I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
