Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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