I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
