Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Randomize
