Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
