May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
