He is such a slut. More and more my type.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
