Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
