So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
