he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
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