Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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