I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
apparently the secret to your success is patron
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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