jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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