i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
