I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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