Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
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It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.