What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
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