allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.