we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I need a burrito and a hug.
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.