I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
