Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?