i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
