Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
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