i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
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