$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
he was CRYING into my vagina
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
