Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
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