Got a toothbrush?
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
