You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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