Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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