at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
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