you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
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No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
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