Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize