drunk tastebuds have low standards.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
