I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
