I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
