i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
