Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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