Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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