i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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