I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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