I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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