Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
