just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
