I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I can't put those talents on a resume
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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