Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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