Pappa wants mamma naked
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
