In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
