They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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