Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
we have pet lesbian snakes
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
