I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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