you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
