I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
