sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
