..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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