Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
