I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
