i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
