You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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