he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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