Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
