question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
