omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Randomize
