idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
