I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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