Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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