I must be too annoying 4 u.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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