Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
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