So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
