I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
