I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
My breasts were aching with rage.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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