He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Randomize
