FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
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