Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
